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Mama's Baby, Wifes Husband Maybe

  • I have had my fair share of dating men who are only children, but this one takes the cake. If I could go back in time I would change my decision to rush and not think before I did it.

    It was early 2013 and I had just got out of a year long relationship. Left to deal with the pain of him being Houdini and disappearing and left with the pain of having a miscarriage. My Facebook inbox was always alerting me of new messages and this one particular day I got a message from someone who I didn’t know. He asked me if he could get to know me and that he wanted to “change my life forever”. I actually didn’t respond. I was in my cougar stage. I was fooling with a younger guy and he was filling the void I was having at the moment. Sex, cuddling, and companionship. He knew my HIV status and we knew each other for years. I know there’s this cardinal rule about “smashing the homie” but I did it, I smashed the homie. Not just the homie but the brother of an ex-boyfriend. I know, I know. I promise I wasn’t being a whore lol his mom had just passed and I was dealing with my losses that we just were there for each other in times of need.

    Well moving forward here it is now July 2013. I had just self-published my first book and doing very well with it. I get this inbox message again. He says can he change my life and if it was ok if we exchanged numbers. I was single, not with anyone and just enjoying life. Why not? We spoke and he told me how he was familiar with me and had been following my story and HIV didn’t scare him. His mom had a close friend who was diagnosed so he was educated on stuff.

    Long story short, Sept 25, 2013 just a few weeks after he moved to where I lived we went to the courthouse and got married. Yep, what the hell was I thinking?! I didn’t know him that well but I kept seeing everyone around me happy and in love and getting married after meeting someone in a short time. I figured this was God sending me my spur of the moment soulmate. Boy was I so wrong.

    Marrying a man who goes to his mom for every single thing is frustrating. They stayed talking and emailing more than we spoke and we lived in the same house. Don’t get me wrong a parent is supposed to be there for their child always but this woman has put thousands of dollars out of her pocket to do for him. He got in trouble at a young age and ended up with a felony charge. Working a decent job was hard to and find. I knew this going into the choice to marry him. What I didn’t expect was that he would ignore the help of his wife and flock to his mama.

    January 2014 came and weeks went by that we maybe spoke 10 words to each other. He couldn’t find a job and I got mad because he would post and vent to Facebook instead of talking to me. People would inbox me asking what’s wrong and what did I do and I was clueless until I looked myself. He had a bad habit of getting on the computer and not logging off. One day he left his email open and right on the screen was an email he had going with his mom. He made me think that they weren’t speaking as much but in fact they were talking multiple times a day via email.

    Did I just read what I think I did? This Motherflipper (I don’t curse anymore) had told his mom that he was ready to come home and that he thinks he might have HIV. You can’t even begin to understand my anger and disgust! All I remember next was that I made a post on Facebook and he came storming into the room. He wanted to talk. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh now you want to talk after weeks of not saying anything to me? Nah I don’t want to talk. This fool grabbed me and shook me and demanded that we talk. I had already found out I was pregnant so shaking me could have affected my pregnancy. At that point I was done. I had never had anyone do me like that. I called my mom and told her what happened and that he had to go! I didn’t care where he went but he had to get out of my house. He begged and pleaded. Nope. Bye.

    I wish I could say that was the end of my marriage but it wasn’t. What came next would forever change my life. So I guess in a way he did “change my life forever”.

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