What happened to the past 11 years of my life? Like seriously I don't even remember unless I just sit and think of each and every single year. What I do know is that August 4, 2007 was the year everything changed. The most joyous occasion turned into the most horrendous event in my life.
Imagine, as a matter of fact let's go in my time machine. You're walking down the isle to the man of your dreams. The song "You For me" by Johnny Gill is playing. You meet your soulmate, lock hands, and in front of family and friends you say "I DO!". After many dances, well wishes, and farewells you retreat to your hotel for the simplest honeymoon ever. I mean shoot we had just spent so much on the wedding (his second and my first) that we didn't care about anything other than a nice evening alone with each other.
Now don't get me wrong, we have had sex many times before our wedding night but none were ever condom-less. So this made our wedding night special. I was actually about to feel my husband inside of me for the very first time, unprotected. At that very moment of penetration I began the slow but life changing status, From Negative into a Positive... Literally. Months later would reveal that in fact not only was I pregnant with twins but I was also infected with HIV.
At 24 years old I Renee' Yvette Burgess-Martinez (Married name at the time) was now in the number of thousands and thousands who live with a disease that has no cure. Did I think I was going to die? No. Did I fear for my unborn children? Yes. I feared that they could become infected. Thankfully even now at 10 years old they are HIV Negative.
Year 2007 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2008 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2009 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2010 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2011 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2012 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2013 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2014 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2015 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2016 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2017 took me on every emotion possible.
Year 2018...... the year that is still here. The year that for the first time in 11 years has been the best to me. It's been emotional but I am thankful for growth and I am thankful for life. Each day is a new day to be better than the previous.
I have so much that I am grateful for that it makes my heart overflow with joy.
If you asked me what's been the hardest to deal with in all of these 11 years, I'd have to say MYSELF. Yep, I own it! I have beat myself up, thought I wasn't good enough for those around me, and sat in a room of darkness mad at everyone except the main culprit, Me.
Not anymore will I do that. I am so much more that my HIV status. I am a Mother, I am a Girlfriend (yes I got a man honey!), sister, daughter, niece, cousin, all of that and more but most of all..... I am a Negative turned into a Positive... Literally, Mentally, and Emotionally.
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