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This is ME!

  •  Have you ever been asked why you like the things you like?

    I grew up in a small home in Houston Texas, very little room, Two Brothers ,Two Sisters ,my mom and my dad. I guess you can call me the black sheep of the family being the only girl in the family with colored eyes, born out of the state of Texas on Leap Day, February 29th! And the only gay one in the family☺!

    I came out when I was 15 years old. I didn't like boys I wasn't attracted to them, I didn't look at them like the other teens my age did. It was hard pretending to be someone I was not just to make my family happy. Even after I came out my parents we're still in this belief that it was a "phase" and I will grow out of it. Sometimes it made me wonder and question who I was because I really didn't know. I just knew I didn't like boys. I was known to my family as the Tomboy, I always wanted to do what my brothers were doing and wanted to learn everything my dad could show me. I didn't care for makeup or dresses, it just wasn't me I wasn't comfortable. I went through the next 8 years fighting with myself, I knew I was a lesbian I just didn't know what type. I hated going out to clubs and being groped by men because of the tight pants I had on with a cute blouse. The high heels ,the lip gloss eyeliner and mascara. It wasn't me! I was uncomfortable, I would look in the mirror and think I looked hot but then I'd have this overwhelming fear that I was going to go out into the world and men we're going to try and talk to me or like we used to say back in the early 2000's "hollar at me". I don't mind talking to men but not in a romantic, try to get with you kind of way. No, my conversation with men was mostly about stuff that they did or liked. I wasn't into sports so that wasn't the topic for my discussion when it came to having guys as friends. They always wanted to know why I was a lesbian, half the time I didn't know what to say other than this is who I am  I know I don't like guys, I'm not attracted to them and I thought women to be most attractive. Now some men would be cool with it, the other ones would try to make it their ultimate goal to try and "turn me". Needless to say that didn't happen. I understood why they would hit on me, I dressed like a girl, in girl clothing, had long hair ,would were tight pants , and I didn't have a boyish figure. I was 5'1", small waist, thick hips, this is what men were attracted to! But I didn't like it, I hated it honestly.  So in 2007 I made the decision to chop my, butt length, hair off. Now I didn't go from really long hair to a full-on fade, I was too chicken for that. I had it cut to about shoulder length maybe a little bit shorter. But as the years went by it got shorter and shorter. One day I went into the barber and ask for a fade, and there was a bit of a language barrier between myself and the lady who was cutting my hair. So I ended up with a No. 4 buzz cut ✂! I was so upset. It took me about a week to start embracing it. After that it was, taper fades fohawks. I was me and for the first time ever I was comfortable with who I was. I didn't have to leave the house anymore to go out and into the world feeling like I'm being objectified. Little did I know some men didn't give a damn how you looked! Some men are dogs, I mean come on I was the typical stereo type of a soft stud lesbian but to some men I'm still a women, which is true I am in fact a women. I have all the same lady parts! I hated being asked by men, "Why don't you like men?" then having to break it down for them is even more annoying... I don't like men in a romantic way, I don't like them in a loving way... I don't like green eggs and ham I don't like them sam I am... blah blah blah! lol it was annoying. One day I even had a guy tell me " you can't say you don't like it until you try it!" so being the person I am my response to this full on straight man was "you try it first! " lol because I know I don't like it because I DO NOT Desire penis!!!

    I truly and honestly feel I was born this way and there is nothing in this world that can change me. This is who I was created to be. I know some people have their opinions about being born gay, some think it's not possible. I can tell you I was never influenced into being a lesbian, I was not raised around gays growing up. I had a half brother who passed in the late 1980's of full blown AID's after having multiple partners and contracting the disease no one knew much about. I don't remember him other then he passed away when I was around 5 years old. Now do I believe people can be influenced into doing something? Absolutely! We have women and men these days doing things, presenting a sexuality that is not who they really are. It could be just for curiosity, or attention, maybe even a bet or a dare. Those are the ones who give us openly, born this way, not a chance of changing, gays a bad name. Now I do believe LOVE IS LOVE, between 2 people, no matter the gender because you can't help who you fall in love with.

    When I came out, I was 15 years old. I told my mom I was a lesbian, I remember seeing her face and her eye's start to water as she asked me " Did I do something wrong?" No there is nothing in this world she did wrong and I told her just that. She went thru the stages, disappointment, anger, resentment, and then acceptance. We had an argument one day and in that argument she told me " you will never become anything in this world because of the person you are, because people won't accept you." I didn't care to be accepted, I didn't care if anyone liked me at all. All I cared about is that I could finally be the person I was born to be. ME! When I was around 17/18 I remember inviting my mom out to a gay bar with me. She loved it, for her it was seeing all the handsome, half naked men dancing around that she knew she couldn't have lol. To her it was eye candy lol.  With my dad it was different story. He was around 59 years old when I Came out, he was still stuck in his ways. He didn't believe me, he said I was crazy,and I didn't know what I wanted because I was to young. Then he asked if I was sure. Of course I was sure, this was me, this is who I was. I didn't know at the time, until shortly after I came out that my dad's sister was also a lesbian. He told me when he was younger, his sister came out to him and that he was so pissed! They fought, physically fought. They really didn't speak much after that happened. This is why I never knew until then, this is also around the same time I found out the real reason my half brother had passed. So me coming out, made my dad realize he was wrong and he contacted his sister. I don't know if they fully restored their relationship. I know they talk a lot more now then they did when I was growing up. He doesn't speak much about my sexuality. He would never mention it to his friends which was perfectly fine. For my mom, on the other hand, it was easy for her to introduce me to people, except the way she would introduce me was something like " hi how are you this is my daughter Erica, she's a lesbian" Like seriously mom, they didn't need to know my sexuality. What I didn't understand for a long time is why she did it. She wanted to see who in her friend circle was accepting of me, and if they weren't she would cut them off. She was protecting me, it just took me a while to figure it out.

    I've lived a fairly easy life after coming out as a lesbian, it wasn't as hard as some parents would make it seem. I'm 34 years old now, and I've learned a lot. We are all being judged in our life, a lot of people think they can tell you who to be, how to be and or what to say or do. We control our own lives. No ONE person can tell you who YOU need to be, because they are not the ones having to walk in your shoes everyday.  I have grown up in a world of acceptance and I will forever be grateful for my parents and family who accepted me for who I am. It didn't happen right away but it eventfully happened. My parents love me and my wife and daughter. They accept us in their lives, they call my wife their daughter too. Not very many people are as fortunate as I have been to just have the support of my family. I will forever be grateful they didn't disown me for being a lesbian. I know a few people who have come out and have had no family since. Not having support from the ones love, living a life style like this, can cause so many emotional issues. Stress, Depression, personality issues, even self inflicted harm or suicide. I'm not saying you have to accept the individuals life style. If you don't approve then that's okay, but don't push those away just because they aren't like you. At the end day, being accepted goes along way. If it were your family member, child or loved one, what would you do? Would you accept them?

    This is ME this is who I am.



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