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My Dirty Little Secret Part 2

  • Faith in and our relationship with God is our first line of defense for in it we are provided with a hedge. However the state of our flesh can allow the enemy (Satan) to slip past our first line of defense. I can only use myself as an example...

    The reason I was hospitalized was because I was attempting to harm myself. I had been battling thoughts of suicide since I was 12yrs old. I was always told that it was because I was going through puberty, experiencing hormonal shifts, emotionally unstable, and the most recent attempted explanation was that it was one of the symptoms of Bipolar Depression. I say attempted explanations because I believe in my heart of hearts that these, though valid reasons are in fact wrong.
    In the natural sense, we as human beings are creatures, just as the other creatures (animals) that inhabit our planet. One thing that we all have in common is the innate desire to preserve self. Animals are born with a knowledge that they must survive and then are taught how. So are we as human beings. We will go to great lengths in the name of 'self preservation'. Many do and will lie, steal, cheat, and even kill to survive. These actions are so prevalent within our species that they have often been dubbed as the darker aspects of human nature. So with all this being said... How does suicide, or even the thought of suicide fit into the equation? The answer is that it doesn't. My thoughts of suicide were not my own nor the symptoms of an undiagnosed mental illness. They were the suggestions of the enemy. My mental illness allowed my mind to become distracted and weakened enough for him to slip in, past my already weakened, first line of defense. How was it weakened you may ask. Because, when we suffer from illness, mental or physical for prolonged periods of time. Often our faith wavers. We begin to question not only God's love for us and even in some extreme instances God's existence all together. When this starts to happen we communicate with God less. Our faith slowly dwindles and when in this spiritual recession, our first line of defense (Hedge) becomes weaker and weaker as well.
    Bringing me back to the Soul, Mind, Body concept of Part One. We MUST keep our relationship with God strong in order to maintain our hedge of protection. This means reading The Word of God (The Bible) daily, communicating with God (Prayer) daily, participating in corporate praise and worship (Church) as well as privately, and doing our best to live as Jesus (God manifested in flesh) instructed us to. We MUST know the state of our mind and do what's necessary to keep our minds healthy as well because it effects the state of our relationship with God and is necessary when interpreting what God gives to us in the spirit. For me that means taking my medication and continuing to monitor the state of my mental health through therapy and honest self examination. Last but not least. We MUST maintain our physical bodies (Health). For if we have been given a task by God and are not physically able to perform it due to the state of our health we become a purposeless tool. For me this means that I must continue to strive to be smoke free, eat healthy, and regularly exercise, go to the doctor when it's needed, and handle health issues in an expedient manner.
    So, I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to take a look at what I've learned from all of this. I hope that there was something amidst these words that you could use. For those who also suffer from mental illness.... YOUR DIAGNOSES, THOUGH WOVEN INTO THE FABRIC OF YOUR DESTINY... IT IS NOT YOUR DOWNFALL. BE NOT ASHAMED, BUT BE ENCOURAGED!! LIVE LIFE HEALTHILY AND ABUNDANTLY AND ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO THE SAME. NOT SURE HOW... FIRST BEGIN AGAIN... WITH JESUS CHRIST.

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