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Putting Together The Pieces, Just To Realize That I'm Broken

  • I have always taken pride in the fact that I have never been allowed to run from my problems. Forced to face things head on. For the most part this is true, and has made me strong. However, it's dawned on me that there is one thing that I HAVE run from my entire adult life... Allowing myself to actually fully HEAL and recover from a failed relationship. From serial dating sometimes beginning within 24hrs of a breakup. To entering into obviously doomed relationships. I have never allowed myself to fully process the heartache and then be able to heal emotionally. Yes I learn from the experience, but emotionally I distract myself, then meet someone just as broken as me, ignore all red flags. And then boom! The relationship lasts maybe a year before it completely implodes for the UMPTEENTH time and is completely unsalvageable and the cycle repeats. Why? No emotional healing. So, building trust with someone new, impossible. Why? Because like, attracts like and two broken people can't build trust because emotionally they haven't healed from the last betrayal.

    I'm broken. It began with my marriage. I act as if it's not a big deal, as if I'm over it, but if I'm honest... I never gave myself the time to heal from that.

    I married my 1st grade crush. My college sweetheart. And after 10yrs... And no children and three miscarriages. He chose having a child over being with me. I was devastated.... I AM devastated. Just admitting that, out loud, so to speak; lifts some weight off of my heart. I know that in time I will heal. But until then...

    I'm done riding the Merry-Go-Round of Brokenness.

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